Here Come the Buckle Bunnies!

Dear World,

This weekend marks the 87th annual Ellensburg Rodeo and Kittitas County Fair.

Talk about ending your summer with a BANG! The world famous Ellensburg Rodeo has something for everyone and is a fantastic and wholesome way to spend Labor Day Weekend with your friends and family. Or you can get adventurous and take the Buckle Bunny route…

For those who are unfamiliar with the term, a Buckle Bunny is pretty much synonymous with the words slut, gold digger, skank and whore. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, I’m just not mincing words here, folks. Buckle Bunnies, like other working women, serve their purpose(s) in various ways. I was completely floored by how many web sites give ‘how to’ advice on being a successful Buckle Bunny. Seriously? I didn’t know demand was so high for this niche of “predatory sluts”.

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A Buckle Bunny can be described as someone who generally lives in a metropolitan city who travels to rodeos on weekends to seek out their ultimate prize: a winning rodeo cowboy.  A Buckle Bunny first tries her hand at the rodeo grounds where her ‘barely there’ attire is meant to attract attention from the rodeo cowboys. She also appears in cowboy bars where she laughably conceals her citified identity by saying she knows how to two-step and can drink anyone in the bar under the table.

Why would any grown woman do this you ask? Well cowboys have a rugged appeal: tight Wranglers, dusty cowboy hats, chaps, horses, leather saddles, and (conveniently) horse trailers that easily double as brothels later in the evening.

Buckle Bunnies also have smaller factions within their larger wolf pack. As in any sport, there are the experts and there are the amateurs. The experts usually come ‘mothered up’ with one of the cowboys. Their protection of ‘their’ prized buckle-laden cowboy is fierce, until they find one with a bigger trailer. I believe they call that maneuver ‘trading up’. The amateurs usually can’t tell a real cowboy from one of the other guys who hang out with the real cowboys knowing how easy it is to pick off the inexperienced Buckle Bunnies. It’s a win/win situation for everyone involved, I think?!

How to spot a Buckle Bunny: Refer to the pictures above and then just let your mind wander. Imagine a cowgirl version of Forever 21 on LSD, covered in glitter, oozing eau d’cheap perfume and heavily armed with talons long enough to ensnare a cowboy or fend off a sluttier competitor. Then, promptly rinse your eyes out with bleach. Sorry for the detailed visual, people! This means generally: halters, neon, short denim skirts, jeans so tight they come equipped with a camel toe (ewww), topped off elegantly with a/an (insert any neon color here) straw hat.

To a Cowboy, a Buckle Bunny is little more than an 8 second ride. A future ex-girlfriend if she’s lucky.

To another attractive woman, Buckle Bunnies are some of the best people watching, EVER. The way these unnatural creatures prowl through a crowd of dirty cowboys, slither their way to the front of the bar for a drink and observing the way they seduce their helpless prey is fascinating to watch. My girlfriends and I get to our look-out spot on top of a hay bale and watch the most outrageous women in stilettos (in the gravel) with their nipples on display in freezing weather still refusing to give in to the perilous conditions of the rodeo arena until they find their man.

To a looks-challenged woman, Buckle Bunnies are the ultimate enemy. You see, when cowboys get drunk they develop very thick beer and whiskey goggles. This phenomenon makes for perfect end of the night hook-ups as the more the cowboy drinks, the prettier these girls look. However, during Rodeo when the Buckle Bunnies descend in large wolf packs there is much more competition than on your average Tuesday night at the bar.

Let me recount a funny story that happened to one of my best friends who inadvertently became a Buckle Bunny many rodeos ago, well before we all got married and a little less outrageous.

Tuesday morning, the day after the final rodeo performance. I’m sitting shamelessly in the bar, it’s about 7:30am and I’m trying to pamper the enormous hangover I’ve developed over the last 6 days.

So my friend, Carrie, walks into the bar looking a bit bewildered and orders a beer and a shot of tequila. She looks at me in all my glory and says, “Why are you wearing a contestant number on your back?”

I respond, “Hmmm, I don’t know but I bet that group at the end of the bar quietly cackling at me know what I was doing last night. What the hell happened to you?”

“Well, remember that cowboy I was talking with last night? Crap, I don’t even remember his name. Well, we got to talking and he was so sweet and invited me over for a drink in his truck and one thing led to another and we um…”

“OMG, you slut. Tell me everything!”

“Well, that’s not the best part. I don’t really remember much from last night. I woke up a few minutes ago in the cab of this semi truck, naked, with him next to me and all I can hear is this rapping sound at the door.  I had no clue what the hell was going on!”

“Well, what happened next?” I delightfully probe.

“Uh, this toothless truck driver poked his head through the curtain of the sleeper and said to us, ‘Well, if you want to go to Minnesota with me feel free to stay. Otherwise, get the hell out of my truck.’ I was totally mortified and hurriedly found my clothes and whimpered a goodbye to him as he ran off in the other direction to find his real truck. After the sense of shock and mortification wore off, I just started walking down here.”

“Holy F! That was the best story I think I’ve ever heard in my entire life! I’ll drink a shot to that, CHEERS!”

www.ellensburgrodeo.com

Yee Haw,

Winnie

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~ by winnieswineworld on August 30, 2010.

2 Responses to “Here Come the Buckle Bunnies!”

  1. OMG, that is hilarious!

    I’ve have been a watcher of these “buckle bunnies” for years. Its awesome to finally read but it. I’ve been witnessing this for years. I can attests that they start them young during the Jr Rodeo days.

    This is why I don’t usually attend the commericalized rodeos; I prefer the small town ones like Roy’s Pioneer Rodeo which happen the same weekend.

    • TOTALLY! I love going to Roy’s. Some of my family compete there and then come back to Ellensburg for Sunday or Monday performances.

      I 1000% agree with the junior rodeo baby buckle bunnies…my husband and I were shocked at how provocatively some of these kids dressed. You know it is their momma’s dressing them and living grossly vicariously through their 8 year olds.
      People, carnivals are rife with pedophiles…get a turtleneck on that kid!

      I took some epic photos yesterday and will do a ’round-up’ of some of the best after the weekend. I’ve seen everything from aging buckle bunnies to someone with a skirt no wider than a belt. ACK!

      Thanks for reading!
      W

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